by Trevor Greenway
Local Journalism Initiative
Content warning: This article discusses suicide. If you’re struggling, help is available. You are not alone. Please reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a professional. In Canada, you can call or text 988 for free, confidential support 24/7.
Declan Thomas was a friend, a brother and a chef. Patrick Thompson was a talented artist, an adoring uncle and an inspiration to young artists in the north. Jay Dubois was a village contractor and a loving father.
These three young men – and many others who we didn’t mention out of respect for their families, were all part of the fabric that made the Gatineau Hills so special. They had loving mothers and fathers, friends, siblings, nieces and nephews, wives, kids and proud grandparents who loved them. They were young souls with futures ahead of them.
But for these three young men – and thousands more across Quebec – those dreams were never realized, those plans were never fulfilled and their family members were left devastated by the news that their loved ones had taken their own lives. All of these men died by suicide in the last five years.
“With Declan, it was just out of the blue,” said Declan Thomas’ brother, Owain, speaking about the loss of his brother close to two years after his death in 2022. “He was quite secretive, and he didn’t share much.
Nobody really knew the whole story of anything. If you knew Declan, you knew there’s a lot going on underneath.”
Owain has spent the last 24 months recovering and rebuilding his life from insurmountable grief that he said is impossible to describe. Just two months after his brother died by suicide, Owain’s wife Elyse Cragg took her own life. The father of a three-year-old not only mourned the death of his brother but also his wife – the mother of his only child.
“It was two suicides in two and a half months,” Owain told the Low Down. He’s stoic and collected after spending months in therapy and counselling. He said he wants to talk about suicide rates and the mental toll it takes on families left to pick up the pieces. “I was with my little boy, who was three and potty training, and I was alone in a town [in Brossard, QC] where I didn’t know anybody, and I had no family or friends around. It was rough. I tried to help Declan, and I tried to help her, too.”
That “help” not only came in the form of counselling and therapy but also listening and trying to understand the issues Owain’s brother and wife were struggling with. Owain said what was hard to bear was his brother’s unwillingness to speak about his problems; that Declan did not feel strong enough to confront his struggles with drugs and alcohol, his loneliness or his growing self-shame. Owain said he did everything he could to help and still lost two loved ones to suicide.
“I knew that Declan needed help and I tried to help him, but it just didn’t get addressed,” explained Owain. “A lot of people tried. And a lot of his girlfriends – most of his girlfriends – reached out to me and said, ‘Is there anything we can do?’”
Owain has since moved to Pincourt, QC, where he is “rebuilding” his life with his new partner Tiffany and her three young daughters.
Men three times more likely to take their own lives
A new suicide report by the Institut national de santé publique du Québec (INSPQ) states that men are three times more likely to take their own lives than women.
According to the report, these three local young men – Thomas, Thompson, and Dubois – are among the 4,924 Quebecers who have taken their own lives since 2017 and are among the 345 Outaouais residents who ended their own lives in that same period. The report also shows that suicides in Quebec have remained fairly consistent over the past several years, with 1,051 suicides recorded in 2020; 1,031 in 2021 and 1,102 in 2022.
When looking at gender, the report shows that men are three times more likely to take their own lives than their female counterparts, with the adjusted suicide rate for women at 5.5 per 100,000 people compared to 18.6 per 100,000 for men.
In the Outaouais, the suicide rate is above the provincial average. According to the report, the suicide rate in Quebec hovers at around 10 people per 100,000, while the Outaouais is around 13.9 per 100,000.
The highest suicide rates in the province are in Nunavik, where a staggering 173 people per 100,000 residents take their own lives.
While the stats are clear, the reasons behind why so many young men are taking their own lives are more complicated. The Low Down reached out to more than a dozen local, Quebec-based and Canadian psychologists and psychiatrists – none of them were willing to comment on the report or the growing crisis.
However, research shows that “men account for almost three out of four ‘deaths of despair,’ from overdose or suicide,” according to American writer and social scientist Richard Reeves, who explores this in his 2022 book, ‘Of Boys and Men’. Reeves’ research has found the likelihood of men taking their own lives significantly higher than that of their female counterparts.
“Opioid deaths are at about 70 per cent plus male; men are about four times more likely to commit suicide than women are,” Reeves told New York Times journalist Ezra Klein in 2023. “It’s risen by about 25 per cent as well over the last 10 years or so.” In his book, Reeves argues that the U.S. education system is placing boys at a disadvantage and explores why boys raised in poverty are less likely to escape than girls and why so many young men are seeking controversial figures like self-proclaimed misogynist Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson, a well-known, Canadian psychologist who was forced to undergo social media sensitivity training after posting transphobic, racist and misogynistic tweets. Reeves said on Klein’s podcast that more and more young men are wondering where they fit in the world: “I think that sense of being needed is hugely important,” he said.
A recent study by research fellow and suicide prevention expert Fiona Shand published in the British Medical Journal looked at the words that men used to describe themselves before suicide. The two words they most commonly used were “useless” and “worthless.”
An Angus Reid survey in 2021 found that 63 per cent of 18- to 34-year-old Canadian men experienced considerable loneliness and isolation, compared to 53 per cent of their female counterparts. These results are similar to a recent U.S. study, in which one in three young men said they always or often felt lonely, and more than a quarter said they had no close friends; again, higher than rates among young women.
These stats are not surprising to Wakefield resident Alexandre Bon-Miller, a men’s life coach, mentor and executive director at Boys to Men Canada, which helps young men “navigate towards self-awareness, growth and masculinity,” according to its website. His organizations hosts retreats for men aged 13-35 who are in “crisis or transition.”
He was clear that he is not a psychologist but has been working with young men for over two decades. He said that while most suicide cases are unique and come with a “collection of influences and variables and aspects,” a lot of young men are feeling lost these days.
“I think one main thing is a lack of purpose, a lack of sense of direction and purpose and meaning,” Bon-Miller told the Low Down. “More than ever, young people are coming into a zeitgeist where they don’t trust authority; they don’t trust our institutions. So, there’s a cynicism and a mistrust and a nihilism that is only exacerbated through the culture war. This is where you get these young men looking around on the internet, [and] they find guys like Andrew Tate, and they follow down those paths.”
A struggle to help those struggling
Part of the struggle for Bon Miller – and others – has been engaging young men to address their issues. It was a similar problem for Owain in getting his brother Declan to seek help, and it seems to be a constant struggle for families who may be aware of a loved one’s struggles but have no idea how to help them. This struggle is well documented, with the Angus Reid study showing that women are almost three times more likely to seek help through social services.
It’s a problem Danielle Lanyi said she is all too familiar with. The executive director at Connexions Resource Centre in Wakefield said that there are plenty of resources available to help those in crisis, but most people don’t know about them. Another huge barrier is that most of the help is through institutions, and they often come with long wait times for crisis intervention. But she praised the CISSS’s Aire Ouvert program, which translates to “open space,” and that’s what it is. The service connects youth and parents with a network of specialists: psychologists, therapists, sexologists, nurses and social workers, who will meet either virtually or in-person to discuss anything from mental health and sexuality to drug addiction – and everything in between. The service is by appointment only and is available in both French and English.
“I think they have done a good job so far,” said Lanyi. “They have numerous committees and focus groups with youth and parents, and they are also working with community organizations.”
Lanyi referenced a long list of resources for those struggling with their mental health but added that Quebec is lacking in follow-up treatment after a patient goes through a crisis.
“I find that the aftermath is when things start to really sink in,” said Lanyi, referring to either someone who has attempted suicide, someone struggling with a crisis or a family member dealing with the grief of losing a loved one to suicide. “People start processing and, you know, start to ask, ‘What are the next steps?’ And they’re just kind of left on their own.”
Lanyi urges residents to use the Santé Québec 811 hotline if they are in a crisis, as the service isn’t solely a telephone support system. Lanyi said Quebec has social workers and nurses on the ground in the region.
“If it’s a crisis, and if it’s a suicide crisis especially, I know that 811 also responds,” she said about the bilingual service.
Maison le Ricochet in Masham is another local organization that helps transition those going through a mental crisis back into society. The organization has 21 beds throughout the municipality and offers everything from counselling and mental health support to rehabilitation programs that allow patients to work in the wood shop or their electronic recycling plant. The home has been in operation since 1990.
People like Owain, the Dubois family and the Thompsons know nothing will ever bring their brothers and sons back, nor will the pain of losing a loved one to suicide ever go away, but they are all candid about talking about suicide and mental health in the hopes that it could save someone going down that path.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, help is available. See our list of mental health resources to the right. And if you need immediate help, dial 911.
If you need help…
Mental Health Resources:
- Suicide.ca – Bilingual
- Prevention line: 1-866-APPELLE (277-3553)
- Canada Suicide Prevention Service – Bilingual
- 24-Hour Crisis Line: call/text: 988
- Info-santé – Bilingual
- 24-Hour Crisis Line: 811, press option #2 to speak with a social worker
- Distress Centre of Ottawa and Region – Bilingual
- 24/7 Crisis Line: 613-238-3311
- Tel-Aide Outaouais – French Only
- 24 hour helpline:: 819-775-3223 or toll-free: at 1-800-567-9699
- L’Apogée
- Centre for family and friends of a person living with a mental health disorder: 819-771-6488
- www.lapogee.ca
- Aire ouverte
- Maison le Ricochet
- Rehabilitation and social and professional reintegration services to individuals dealing with mental health issues of varying intensity. The organization offers accommodation services, workshops, and work programs with support and supervision 24/7.
- Phone: 819-456-4230
- Email: maisonlericochet@qc.aira.com.
- Website: www.maisonlericochet.com,
- 9 Ch. de la Beurrerie, Masham.
Grieving Resources:
- Bereaved Families Ottawa: bfo-ottawa.org (English)
- ROCSMO (Regroupement des organismes communautaires en santé mentale): santementaleoutaouais.ca (Bilingual)
- Maison Alonzo-Wright: www.maisonalonzowright.com/nos-services
- Écoute Agricole: www.ecouteagricole.com/en
- Ami-Québec: amiquebec.org
- Entraide-Deuil-Outaouais: 819-770-4814 (French only)
- Intersection (Deuil post-suicide): 819-568-4555 (French only)