By Tim Belford
Local Journalism Initiative
Well the election is over and now the fun begins.
South of the border nothing is any different. Dithering Donald is still changing his mind and his policies at the drop of a tariff. As far as he’s concerned who’s now leading the potential ‘51st state’ is irrelevant. What matters is that the new man in charge comes to the realization that Canada becoming part of the United States is inevitable and a good thing.
We beg to differ; at least most of us. There are, however, some Canadians who would be perfectly happy to cast aside their citizenship and embrace lower taxes, a bigger army and the warmth of Donald’s smile. Just recently I heard an otherwise sensible acquaintance of mine ask, “Why not?” Well here’s why.
First off, it would play havoc with our educational system. All those children out there, and some adults too, would have to learn the names of fifty states and their capitals in a new geography class. Mastering ten provinces and three territories has proven difficult enough for most of us but this added burden would be a bit much.
We’d also no longer be a prosperous independent country. As a matter of fact we’d run second to California in both population and GDP as a mere state of the union.
Admittedly, we would probably pay less income tax than we do now but there’s a down side to that as well. Lower taxes would also mean no national health care system. It would be back to the days when childbirth or a major surgery could bankrupt you. Oh yes, there’s private insurance that you could buy with those extra tax dollars but try making more than one claim and see what happens. We’d also have to trade in our social insurance program for the much less satisfying U.S ‘social security’ system, one that The Donald says he would like to reduce. Child care? You’re on your own.
If we didn’t have the border to cross, yes, it would be easier to go to Disney World, Florida and Old Orchard. On the other hand, think of how many thousands of Customs and Immigration officers who would suddenly find themselves unemployed. Trump would have to blame the fentanyl crisis on Greenland or perhaps Iceland.
In sports there would also be a major upheaval. Take football for instance. If the CFL disappeared, which it surely would, we’d be stuck with the NFL and its mamby, pamby four downs, tiny end zones, narrow fields and fair catches. Even worse, we’d lose the Grey Cup and its legendary parties and be stuck with the NFL Super Bore which is nothing more than a rock concert with a coin toss.
Being the 51st state would mean dropping the Maple Leaf Flag from our back packs when travelling abroad and getting used to nobody liking us anymore. It wouldn’t even help if you explained how your granny was from Edinburgh or Cornwall. We’d still be Yanks.
Being bilingual, particularly French-English, would be of no value whatsoever in a country that acknowledges only one official language. Under the kindly hand of Washington, Quebec would become Louisiana North and the building housing the Office de la Langue Française nothing more than an historic site.
But the best and overwhelming reason for not become American, however, is that we’d have Donald Trump as our leader. If that doesn’t kindle the fires of Canadian nationalism, nothing will.